I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
