I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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