Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
