And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
