My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
