Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
