tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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