yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
