There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
