That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
