I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize