Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
