no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ugly people sure do ruin things
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
