He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
