i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we're so committed to being not committed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
