My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dicks are not precious.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
