Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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