it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he thought i was a dude.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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