i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
