I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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