The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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