Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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