yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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