she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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