South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
