You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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