Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
