So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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