There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
