Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize