I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
