I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
