I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to align my fucking chakras
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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