okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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