ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
