You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
