he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize