So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
