those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
