New low: just hacked my moms facebook
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
