guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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