I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
