why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
