Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
