i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
