the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
