I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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