I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
