did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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