Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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