So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
