Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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