when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
