I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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