Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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