Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
