The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
