i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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