During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
