3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
