Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
