Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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