the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you win again, gameday.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Let's get the cat blown out
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
