i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just forgot I was standing up.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize