toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
