i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
