i jhust puked up my retainher.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
