I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
