my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
