Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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