rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
