I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
