Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
