i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
