we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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