My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
