none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
