so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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