She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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