i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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