In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
high people should be assigned attendants
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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