Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
