And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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