Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
