i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
