Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i came on her dog
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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