if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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