He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
