just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
