there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize