i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
