Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
