Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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