i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize