i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize