Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
