i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
