how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
