We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
