Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
