The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
