I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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