Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
