i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He passed out mid-signature
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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