.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
