so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
