you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
