and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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