so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's shark week go big or go home
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
