Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize