You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
